10 Big Mistakes When Dealing with a Covert Narcissist

The innocent facade hides a cunning and conniving manipulator

Paul Ryburn, M.Sc.
7 min readJul 30, 2024
black-and-white image of half-visible narcissist
Photo by Diana on Pexels

Up is down. Down is up. Nothing makes sense anymore since she/he arrived in your life.

When you first met them, you were overwhelmed, feeling that you had met someone truly special — someone who completes you. Then one day this person did a complete 180. All those warm fuzzy feelings were gone, replaced by accusations, blaming, half-truths, and untruths.

You want desperately to get back to the person they were right after the two of you met. But you’re starting to suspect that person never existed — it was all an act to reel you in.

If any of this sounds like your current reality, you may be under the spell of a covert narcissist.

Have you fallen into any of the following traps?

1 — Thinking chance meetings are “just a coincidence”

Sitting at my favorite bar one hot Saturday afternoon, a pretty brunette “just happened” to take the open seat next to me. We got to talking and were soon completing each other’s sentences.

It was like I had known her all my life. I actually started to wonder that day if I’d finally found my soulmate.

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Paul Ryburn, M.Sc.

I write about writing, ideas, creativity, homelessness, intuition, spirituality, life lessons. Ex-college teacher Twitter: @paulryburn