Beware These Warning Signs You’re Becoming Entangled With A Narcissist
#3 — They blatantly lie to you and don’t care if you find out they lied.
According to the Mayo Clinic, people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder suffer from fragile self-esteem, an inflated sense of self-worth, and an inability to empathize with others. Or, if you prefer a less formal definition,
Narcissist (n): A more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil jerk with no soul and no compassion.
(Quote from notsalmon.com)
Being in a relationship with such a person can lead you to ask, “Why? WHY??? How could someone who seemingly had me on such a pedestal treat me so badly?”
Below are some early warning signs that the person who’s recently come into your life might be a narcissist. Learn to recognize them so you can cut ties and run before you get completely sucked into their world.
Just as you begin to return the attraction, they become distant and unavailable
Perhaps you hear from mutual friends that a cute guy/gal has been coming around places you normally go. They’ve been asking about you, asking if you’re single.
You finally start to recognize them, and perhaps become friends with them on Facebook. They seem pretty cool and you express an interest in wanting to know them more…
… and then they disappear.
Perhaps they tell you school started and they’ll be busy all semester long… but, they’ll see you around. Or they can no longer go to the places you hang out because of a new diet.
They’re trying to get you to chase them.
This is a sign that the love-bombing phase of the attraction is about to be over, and that the dark, abusive phase may be right around the corner.
Now, this alone does not make a narcissist… none of the points I bring up here on their own equate to narcissism. However, they are each warning signs that you should be skeptical. You should be asking yourself, “Do things here add up?” and if they don’t, have an exit plan.
They flake on you without any notice or apology
Say you have plans to meet them for coffee at 3:30. 3:30 comes and goes, as do 4:00 and 4:30, and you’re sitting there by yourself.
No message, “I am so sorry to do this but I have to cancel.”
Not even a curt “Hey I can’t make it.”
Not even a message the next day or several days later to apologize.
The real, unspoken message here is that as soon as something disrupts their lives, you become unimportant and forgotten. Unless they were in a coma, they could have found a way to get a message to you at the time, or an apology later.
Narcissists never apologize — unless they’re acting.
They blatantly lie to you and don’t care if you find out they lied
Imagine that you’re out at a market, where you run into the suspected narcissist. You ask what their plans are for the day, and they tell you, “I’m not feeling well. I just came out to do some quick shopping, and then I’m going back to bed.”
Two hours later, you see on Facebook that they’re out at a brewery taproom with friends.
Four hours later, they check in on Facebook again, this time at a local bar.
Not only did they lie to you, but they didn’t even respect you enough to try to cover it up.
This alone should be enough of a warning signal to cut them off, to delete their number from your phone, to unfriend and unfollow on social media.
Victims of narcissists intuitively know this, yet sadly, they choose to continue with the dance.
They derive pleasure from lying to others
You may catch your suspected narcissist flat-out lying to others that he or she supposedly loves and cares about. Once out of earshot, they may turn to you and laugh about the whole matter.
If they lie to other people they “care” about, they will lie to you.
“But…” you object, “what we have between us is special…”
No. It’s not special. You’re falling for their trap.
They will lie to you too. Cut them off.
Friends and family caution you
You may have one of your friends pull you aside and give you their unsolicited opinion about your new potential love interest. Maybe they say something to the effect of,
“Hey, now… I don’t mean to butt into your business, but I just have to tell you… this (man/woman) seems a bit… off… to me. It just seems like there’s something weird going on.”
Or maybe your mom or dad tells you,
“Call it parental intuition, but I have a bad feeling about this one.”
You may not want to take their observations into account, but you should. These are observations from people who you know for sure love you and have your best interests at heart.
As I wrote earlier, no one of these things alone is an indicator of narcissism. Think of them instead like points that accumulate on your driving record for each speeding ticket you get. The more points they score with their behavior, the more skeptical you should be.
They should be respectful of your time. If they truly like you, they should manage to get in the same place as you now and then, no matter how busy they are. Flaking on you without an explanation or an apology is inexcusable and an indication of how little they actually value you.
Lying blatantly to you, or pleasure derived from their lies to others should be huge warning flags. Even if the behavior does not indicate narcissism, it strongly suggests that you should get away while you can.
Finally, heed warnings from those you love and trust. They have your best interests at heart. The suspected narcissist may not.
This is by no means a complete list of early warning signs. If you have one, please share it in the comments.