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Covert Narcissists — An Early Warning Sign
It’s subtle, but their narcissistic mask does slip
The people we usually think of as narcissists are brash, loud, demanding of others’ attention. They don’t care whose toes they have to step on to get their way, and they don’t even care if they’re seen stepping on toes.
Such people are known as overt narcissists because they don’t try to hide their true nature very much. They are usually easy to identify.
Covert narcissists are harder to spot. They don’t like having all eyes upon them, and they’ll resort to a little self-deprecation to get you to feel comfortable around them. They are, in fact, as dangerous as their overt cousins — perhaps more dangerous, because you don’t see them coming.
In past articles, I’ve thrown around a lot of jargon associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: gaslighting, smear campaigns, projection, hoovering. In this one, however, I’m going to dispense with definitions and make my point with a story.
Love-bombing I
I met my covert narcissist (we’ll call her CN) at a bar several years ago, not far from where I live.
It was a Saturday, and my routine was often the same: I’d start out at a neighborhood spot for Saturday brunch with friends at 11. About 1:30, we’d walk about two blocks away to another bar, a 1920s-style speakeasy. On this particular Saturday, however, my brunch buddies didn’t make it past the first stop.
No problem, I thought, I’d go it alone at the speakeasy. Even if I didn’t know any of the other patrons, the bartender, Charlie, was a super-fun guy. I walked in and got a seat at the far end of Charlie’s bar.
About 5 other guests were sitting at the bar, and although none of us knew each other, Charlie soon had us all talking, laughing, having a good time. He was good at facilitating that kind of interaction.
The people in the middle left, leaving a pretty brunette about 5 years my junior, who was at the other end, and me. To keep the conversation going, we moved down toward each other. She introduced herself as (the CN). She told me she was originally from Lexington, Kentucky, and she attended UK. Her job as a medical sales rep…
